The Funk Strikes Again!

Last week was a tough week. It started with a trip to Quest Diagnostics to get my annual bloodwork to see how my Hashimoto's hypothyroid is doing. I'm a notoriously tricky stick. I think about having my blood drawn, and my veins shrivel up into nothing. I have learned over the years that I do pretty well with a butterfly needle, so I always make it a point to politely ask the phlebotomist to use one. This day was different. I got the phlebotomist, who did not like me telling her how to do her job. She told me she would see for herself and determine which needle to use. Surprise, surprise...two sticks, and she failed, blowing a vein out in the process. She called in a co-worker, and two rather painful sticks later, she failed twice. I went home with four balls of cotton taped to my arms and wrists and began my walk of shame through the crowded lobby.

I become sad because this failure is a subtle reminder that I no longer have the life I once had. I get into my office, and I start getting squirrely. I now recognize that "squirrely feeling" is my mind and body's way of letting me know that my personal needs are unmet. If I'm going to get anything done today, I need to address them before anything else gets done. I get quiet momentarily to see what I need and realize I miss having lunch with Doug. My gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, nightshade-free diet makes going out to eat an absolute shit show. I had moderate success with a few lunches at First Watch, so I called up Doug, and off we went. I order a salad with gluten-free bread and grab one of their salted caramel cookies before we go. I love cookies and hadn't had one in ages.

Within two hours of eating lunch and the cookie, I found myself in so much pain that I could barely walk. WTF? Who gets crippled by a salted caramel cookie? Me. I checked the ingredients: gluten, soy, AND dairy. Shit. The last time I had pain this bad was a few months ago. I ended up in the emergency room, only to be sent home because they couldn't find anything wrong. I crashed in my recliner and popped the Naproxen and painkillers I saved from the emergency room visit to no avail. The pain lasted two whole days.

Sidelined on the recliner, I find the depression creeping in because it's becoming increasingly clear that my life will never be what it was. I finally have to admit I'm struggling with my health and life changes I never wanted.

When I get home from work, I attend an extremely heated meeting for the condo association. In the middle of that meeting, a resident comes into the office to complain about his issue. I leave one heated meeting to listen to this resident's meltdown, then return to the other unpleasant meeting.

The Funk is strong with this one! I realize I am unconsciously absorbing everyone else's bad mojo. The only way to stop it is to CHANGE MY THOUGHTS. Here are a few techniques I use to help me re-steer my thoughts in a more productive direction.

1). Play the "What's Right In My Life?" game. Take a moment to clear your head, and write down ten things that are going well for you. Here are my ten: 1) my husband is fantastic 2) my businesses are doing well 3) I have a great team in place to help me get things done 4) I have great neighbors and friends 5) I crocheted a Snoopy, a Woodstock, a Unicorn, and a Rainbow dinosaur with a go-funny eye this month 6) I'm taking time to do things that make me happy, like crafting 7) my cats love to sit on my lap in the evening 8) I've managed to lose 15 lbs in the last two months 9) even though my health isn't 100%, it's WAY better than it was two years ago 10) even though I'm not doing comedy anymore, I manage to find ways to make people laugh

I can feel the fog lifting! If you're still not happier, think of ten more things.

2). Another game you can play to raise your spirits is "Name 10 Cool Things You've Done." Here's my ten: 1) When doing comedy, I opened for David Alan Grier, Gilbert Gottfried, and watermelon smasher Gallagher. 2) I have visited 40 out of 50 states. 3) I live in a nudist community 4) I hypnotized one of the people who appeared on Tiger King 5) I've been to the Great Pyramids in Egypt 6) I spent my 50th birthday visiting Petra, in Jordan 7) I visited The Galapagos Islands 8) I turned a condo with the address R-2 into a funny Star Wars themed condo 9) I've been to Stonehenge 10) I've visited The Grand Canyon by helicopter twice

I'm definitely feeling much better! I'd like to know if I wrote this blog to help you or help me!

3). The last thing you can do to raise your spirits is move your body. Stretch, move, touch your toes, straighten your posture, go for a short walk, even if it's around your room, walk your dog, pet your cat, spin poi, jump rope, or run in place. Change your surroundings. Do something you enjoy doing, whether playing an instrument, building a puzzle, or crafting. Speaking of which, I have a rainbow narwhal demanding that I crochet it tonight...