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The Relationship You Have With Yourself

A year ago, I was in bad shape.  To make it worse, I had symptoms that seemed to have no connection to each other.  I was having trouble walking up and down steps due to severe joint pain.  My arms hurt when I drank whiskey.  My nose got all stuffed up whenever I ate sweets.  I was experiencing severe reflux.  My hair was dry and brittle, and at times enough of my hair would fall out that I had enough to make a donation to “Locks of Love.”  I put on 30 or 40 lbs very quickly.  I had brain fog, was easily confused, and my attention span was short.  In the few lucid moments I had, I knew something was wrong, but couldn’t figure it out.  All of my blood work was normal.

Since I had moved from St Pete to Lutz, I needed to find a new doctor.  A friend recommended I visit a holistic osteopath in Tarpon Springs.  I met with her, and she sent me to Quest to get so many tests I had to go back a week later to finish them because my body tapped out.  Within a few weeks, the results showed I had Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism.  My Thyroglobulin Antibodies were 23 (they’re supposed to be less than 1).  My Thyroid Peroxidase Antibodies were 177 (they’re supposed to be less than 9).  I also discovered I had a recent Epstein-Barr Virus infection, which is known to aggravate Hashimoto’s.  

Upon further investigation, it was likely I went undiagnosed for 20-30 years because my only doctors and endocrinologist only tested my T3, T4, and TSH levels, which were always normal.  In 2014, while trying to figure out why I was constantly clearing my throat, an ultrasound showed I had a cyst on my thyroid.  The endocrinologist gave me the option to either wait for it to become cancer, or I remove the 1/2 of my thyroid that had the cyst.  Not knowing better, I removed the 1/2 that had the cyst.  The 1/2 thyroid I had left appeared to be doing well enough until it wasn’t.

As a hypnotist, I had to face the realization that it was very possible my thyroid was a reflection of what was going on inside my mind.  In my studies, many illnesses correspond with certain body parts.  For example, women who have issues with their breasts often have experienced issues with their mother and/or being a mother.  Women who have issues with endometriosis often experienced some kind of sexual abuse.  Issues with thyroid indicate either trouble speaking up, unspoken anger, or a perceived inability to express oneself authentically… even though I did stand-up comedy, I was unable to express myself authentically in my previous relationship.  I was also carrying a lot of unexpressed anger in having to take care of my mother.  I’m also very, very tough on myself.  My thyroid absorbed all of that shit, and it finally said “I’m done!”

If I was going to beat Hashimoto’s, I knew I had to develop a new relationship with my body.  I needed to learn to listen to my body, I needed to learn HOW to listen to my body, and I needed to learn how to honor what it needed.  

I began paying attention to what I was eating, and discovered bit by bit the foods my body didn’t like.  My research showed following a paleo diet was best.  The Check My Body Health food sensitivity test confirmed my research.  I began eliminating all processed foods from my diet.  No gluten, no dairy, no soy, no refined sugar, no nightshades, no alcohol, and no caffeine. 

I began paying attention to my surroundings and how I felt being in certain locations.  When I wasn’t comfortable, I spoke my truth (consequences be damned!) and/or changed my surroundings instead of tolerating where I was. I noticed I felt good when I spoke my mind, instead of silently regretting the choice to stay quiet. 

I began seeing other hypnotists, who helped me see the areas in my life where I was stuck.  They helped me identify my behavior patterns, so I could understand where they came from and make peace with them.  

I began talking to myself nicer and encouraging myself to do my best, instead of beating myself up when I didn’t perform to unreasonable expectations.  I began letting go of perfection.  I began forgiving myself for the things I didn’t handle as well in my past.  I began letting go of material possessions that I hadn’t used in years.  

I began making peace with my body weight and forgiving my body for doing what it had to do in order to keep me safe.  I began making peace with the foods I had to let go of as a result of my diet.  

Thanks to Hashimoto’s, I’ve spent the last year developing a much healthier relationship with myself mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I continue to get healthier and stronger, so I can continue helping others do the same.

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