Love: Lying & Cheating…What To Do When The Unimaginable Happens
Everything was going along so well…and then he/she slept with my best friend/escort…
Welcome to a day in my office!
Our last LOVE topic for the month of February, will be on lying and cheating, because that is the part of having a relationship that most people never see coming until it’s way too late. Lying and cheating is almost always devastating when the other partner finds out. All the illusions of happiness are shattered, and now both partners have to take a look at their shortcomings. I said “both” partners, because it takes both partners for lying and cheating to happen. Someone has to lie and cheat, and the other partner has to be lied to and cheated on.
The Liar and Cheater
The partner doing the lying and cheating typically has a personality flaw, and lies and cheats to cover up that flaw. The reasons may vary: if your partner travels a lot for work, they may be lonely. They may have a higher sex drive. They may not be getting their needs met at home. They may be a “thrill seeker.” More often than not, cheating happens because of deep rooted feelings of unworthiness and the need for validation. They feel that whatever they are and whatever they have is not enough. Rather than turn within (which would mean having to admit the flaws), they try to fill the void with the approval and attention of others.
If you’re reading this and find this hitting home, now’s the time to clean up your shit. I’m not saying you need to admit what you’ve done to your partner, but you do need to get to the heart of those feelings of unworthiness, of not having enough, and the need to get validation from others. These feelings usually start forming in childhood. Hypnotherapy is a great way to address these feelings quickly and easily.
The Recipient of the Lies/Betraying/Cheating
The partner who is a victim of the lying and cheating, may often claim to be blind-sided when they catch their partner. Occasionally, they know their partner is prone to lying because the very relationship they are in started with one of them being “the dirty little secret.” However, once the lying and cheating is exposed, the recipient has a whirlwind of questions about what happened.
The questions recipients often ask themselves?
Why did he/she do this?
Why didn’t he/she just tell me?
What’s wrong with me?
The unconscious mind then begins to answer these questions…and the answers almost always suck and make the recipient feel even worse about themselves. The recipient of the lying begins to change their behavior in ways so they don’t feel worse about themselves, and this can often lead to a hostile living environment.
If you’re reading this and suspect or know you’re in a relationship with a liar and a cheater, now’s the time to take action. Again, I’m not saying you have to confront your partner, but instead of asking questions like “Why did he/she do this?”, the better question to ask is “What am I going to do about it?”
Your choices are fairly simple: you either stay with the liar/cheater, or you can leave. If you have children or are dependent upon your spouse for financial support, you may feel that staying with this person may be the better option. Just do so, knowing you are never going to change your partner, and that you are setting an example for your children that it’s okay to have a partner that lies and cheats on you because of the money.
If you choose to leave your liar, you’ll have taken the “high road” and stuck to your values and principles, only to find that you’re alone, which may be an unpleasant thought. Often times, if the recipient hasn’t worked through their feelings fully and completely, they may find themselves in another relationship with another liar/cheater.
No matter which option you choose, allow “forgiveness” to be a part of your healing should this unfortunate circumstance ever happen to you. You can stay with your partner and forgive them. You can also leave your partner and forgive them. We are all human and we crave acceptance and connection. To help you reach “forgiveness,” try to imagine yourself growing up in your partner’s footsteps. Grow up in his/her house, experiencing what they experienced, seeing life through their eyes, and noticing how this kind of an upbringing could have affected them. Seeing things from your partner’s perspective will help you get out of your head, which will in turn help you open your eyes to a new path of healing.