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  • Traci Kanaan

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Destiny


Doug and I celebrated the 3rd anniversary of meeting each other this past Friday. We met through OKCupid.com, which is not all that different from how millions of others meet potential boyfriends and girlfriends. What was different about us, was HOW we went about it.

I read a ton of books on how to meet people online. The “experts” said I should show my whole body and face in my pictures. My profile should not include a lot of details about my personal life, because I wouldn’t want to turn anyone off from getting to know me. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things in my personal life and career choices that make some people very uncomfortable. 3 years ago, I was the top female entertainer in the world for swingers and nudists. My career took me all over the world so I could perform on swinger cruises, swing clubs, and clothing optional resorts. Experience has taught me that most people don’t want to find that shit out on the 3rd date! I decided to put them in my profile, along with my political views. I carefully thought about what I WANTED in a partner, and devised 10 criteria I was looking for in a partner, which became my rate-a-date system. I kept my profile upbeat, positive, and straight to the point. I noticed immediately that my inquiries diminished by 60%! I was no longer getting 100 responses from guys who were just tire kicking…I was getting guys who read my profile and wanted to meet someone like me.


Meanwhile, Doug was compiling a list of his own. He spent a few weeks really thinking about what he wanted in a partner, and came up with a list of 35 things he wanted in a partner for himself. He went through profile after profile, and eventually came across mine. We were an 89-92% match according to OKCupid, based on questions I had answered. Doug went ahead and answered 500 more questions, and the results we were still an 89-92% match, which is really good. He reached out, and in his initial letter he went line by line through my profile about what he liked, elaborating on his experiences. We agreed to meet…and here we are 3 years later!


A lot of people claim they know the secret to success. They will claim it is motivation, ambitiousness, positivity, conscientiousness and all sorts of other abstract nouns. However, the missing ingredient is “You are what you think about.”


It is obvious really, but if you are going to be successful in any area of your life then you need to think about being successful in every area of your life. If you have negative thoughts like “all the people I meet are DRAMA,” then you will meet DRAMA people. If you don’t believe you’re worthy of love, then you’ll end up meeting people who don’t believe you’re worthy. If you think about how awful your exes treated you, then you will get more people who treat you awful. If you can’t control your thoughts and aim them towards a positive and happy life, then it’s going to be really hard to live that positive and happy life. Most people think about what they DON’T want all the time, and then they’re shocked when they get exactly what they don’t want EVERY TIME. By staying focused on what you do want, you are much more likely to get it!


If you are struggling to know what you DO want out of life, think of your life now as it is. How it could be improved? What would you keep the same? What would make your life easier?

Now think of how your life would look if you had everything the way you want it. Maybe you have got a big house and kids, or a small house and great artistic job, or you are a movie star, or a high flying business man. Now you know what you desire. Write them down, break them down into smaller steps, and set your priorities. You’ll find living a life working towards what you do want in your job, relationships, and lifestyle will bring greater rewards than constantly obsessing about the life of what you don’t want.

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